Pseudopath’s drunken japes

02/02/2008 by orientfan.

The following was posted in a forum I frequent. Permission was asked for and given to reproduce it here. Enjoy:

<<< One New Year's Eve (I think I was 14), I was at home watching the crap end of year shows on the telly. My dad had gone to the pub and my mum had fallen asleep on the sofa, so I decided to avail myself of the remaining Christmas booze. Eight cans of Special Brew and half a bottle of sherry later, I pass out. At 5am, I wake up and find myself on the sofa, in a pair of pyjamas I didn't know existed and covered in the dog's blanket. My mum was sitting on the other side of the room, having stayed up to watch over me and make sure I was still breathing.

She'd found me naked and comatose on the downstairs toilet, with every bodily fluid known to man in the bowl beneath me (as for some reason, I'd decided to block the U-bend with an unopened can of lager before being sick and going to the toilet). I'd also emptied four packets of Wotsits into the sink.

She reached for the loo roll to try and clean me up, but realised it was missing. This was because I had decided to unravel it on the kitchen floor and pour ketchup and brown sauce all over it. The spring for this loo roll holder was hanging from a light fitting in my bedroom upstairs.

However, by far the worst part of the story was that I had set up the video camera on my parent's bedside table, pointing at the bed and set to record. Which must have been lovely for them to find. I have no idea what was on the tape (I hope they burnt it immediately) and don't think I want to find out. >>>

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